I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
