he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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