I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
