But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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