the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
