3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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