Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
