there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
