Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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