Moan for me like Helen Keller
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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