She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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