so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
