bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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