When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
