I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The air taste purple.
Randomize
