this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
