I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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