there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
