sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
