your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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