Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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