I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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