Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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