im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ketchup is God's man juice
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
