I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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