I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We had to coat check the pizza.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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