Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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