God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
one two three fourrrrnication!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
