Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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