No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
