can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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