I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
