1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
