Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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