You smell like stripper and shame
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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