Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
