yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
