Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
