Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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