Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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