every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
