you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
