I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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