1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
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also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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