The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
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Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I love you. Go after that dick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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