ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
