ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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