I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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