am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
