yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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