do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
