dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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