in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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