Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's just like the Real World with babies
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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