We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
