I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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