then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
