I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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