Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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