When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize