i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
