Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
