Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
