dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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