how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
